Sadistic VC Exclusively Invests On Ill-Fated Startups ‘For The Gigglez’

NEW YORK — In a modern version of blood sports or what Romans called damnatio ad bestias,  ImpalaX Capital Ventures, a New York-based investment fund focusing on deep tech and AI, has revealed that its portfolio is exclusively populated with “half-witted founders with subpar ideas, no product and no scaling skills whatsoever” as Michael Ambrosio, General Partner at ImpalaX stated to the Inquirer over email. “The more incompetent and ill-equipped, the more we’re into it. We enjoy seeing them winging it, struggling, floating directionless in the ocean like a cargo ship whose captain had a heart attack and now it’s being maneuvered by the cook”. Mr. Ambrosio added that “we’re all millionaires, so a few bucks lost here and there does not really make a dent to our fortunes, and it absolutely pays off”.