Artificial Intelligence Algorithm Computing Space Billionaires’ Ugliness Leads To Discovery of New Universal Law

ISTANBUL — Worth hundred billions of dollars altogether, the leaders of Blue Origin, SpaceX and Virgin have been described as “scientifically repulsive in their appearance, to 10 trillion digits of numerical precision”, according to research from the John Atkinson’s Institute of Artificial Intelligence of the University of Ohio. A team of computer scientists trained a set of AI algorithms to process thousands of pictures of Jeff Bezos, Elon Musk and Richard Branson in different capacities and situations with the goal to algorithmically determine—by means of using an advanced Machine Learning technique called comparative rank optimization—who from the set was the most hideous. To the utter surprise of the scientists who took part of the experiment “the algorithms could not tell who was the ugliest and the computer which ran the experiment overheated and eventually short circuited without converging to a solution”. The experiment led to the later discovery of what is now called the “law of conservation of the space billionaire ugliness”, where, succinctly, the ugliness of these three space moguls combined is a universal constant, just like the Plank constant. “Each one of them has something the others don’t have. Bezos is helplessly bald but the body structure is better. Branson has hair but overall looks like he’s been dead since a few decades. Musk has fake hair but he’s younger. Any positive trait from one seems to be balanced out by a negative one on someone else from the trio”, the report says.
Dr. Maria Meeks, chief scientist in charge of the research group stated: “if anything, our research shows the three subjects are a walking proof that, no matter how deep your pockets, if you’re ugly, you are ugly”.