SPAC’d Space Startup Pivots To Boost Stock Value, Buys Defibrillator

OSLO — A recently SPAC’d space startup who has been witnessing its stock value being shredded to confetti amidst an international scenario of uncertainty and aversion to risk, has reportedly pivoted its strategy after contracting a top-notch team of strategic consultants from McKinsey who suggested to take an unusual, aggressive move and pivot to McKinsey’s proprietary methodology called “Arrhythmic Strategic Corporate Management“, or ASCM. Succinctly, the patentes approach consists in procuring an automatic external defibrillator (AED), connecting its electrodes to a NASDAQ dashboard and delivering a set of rapid discharges of high-energy electric impulses in a desperate attempt to bring the penny stock value back to life levels. The method also includes training middle managers in CPR techniques, if need be, for advanced-age investors and board members.