Scientists Discover Novel Mathematical Formula To Gauge VCs’ Mediocrity

BARCELONA — A team of scientists from the Politecnico Di Milano found a simple mathematical formula for precisely quantifying mediocrity and stupidity of Venture Capital firms, based on what they have called the “Musk Element”. Succinctly, the formula observes the time from the first conversation held between founders and venture capitalists until someone from the VC side mentions Elon Musk, SpaceX or Starlink for the first time. The sooner the Musk-related remark, benchmarking or question is dropped, the crappier, time-wasting the VC will turn out to be, giving founders the chance to deflect from further engagement, saving precious energy and money. The formula is nonlinear and it also weights the deal-closing leverage of those making the remarks, this means, if an associate of a VC drops the musk-bomb the first day, but a General Partner (GP) of another VC drops it in 4 days, the latter still scores as more futile for further engagement—for comparison, a GP should take at least 10 days for equate the stupidity of an associate. And if a GP drops a Musk-benchmark on first day, the formula gives almost infinite mediocrity—in other words, founders should literally run away. The mathematical discovery is also a great tool to compare between two VCs by just calculating the ratio of their Musk factors. The formula discovered goes like this:

VC_Mediocrity = 10(-tDaysToFirstMuskMention+k_relevance) where k_relevance is a constant which depends on the deal-closing leverage of the person asking the question (associates & principals have the lowest values for k, typically 1, whereas General Partners have k values of 10)

Giuseppe Barrotta, principal mathematician in charge of the team after the discovery, stated: “the formula does not work if you are actually Elon Musk”.