CTO Dictates Zero-Based Numbering Mandatory

NEW YORK — Recently-promoted Chief Technology Officer (CTO) Matt Patterson from Nordics-based Tantrium Space Systems has issued a controversial, strongly worded memo—which the Inquirer had access to—mandating the 800-people company to “stop thinking like the Romans and embrace the zeroth element, for fuck’s sake, it is not that difficult”. The document written by the ex Head of Software, now CTO, directly addresses the massive confusion which mounted after the engineering department counted things using the index 0, whereas the rest of the company found that too unnatural and counterintuitive therefore counted and labeled things from index 1. Reportedly, the new policy also included relabeling floor numbers in company elevators.