Subpar Homegrown Software Metastasizing Across Organization

MIAMI — An in-house software initially thought as a quick workaround by some engineer who left the company years ago has been found to be steadily metastasizing and encroaching across the organization up to the point where it has become virtually irreplaceable, a source related to the matter said to the Inquirer. “It’s absolutely hideous, an abomination. It uses horrible text files for configuration and it contains an unholy amount of design anti-patterns, like magic pushbuttons, object orgies, magic numbers, lasagna code, boat anchors, and an abhorrent error handling based in negative number arithmetic” stated a visibly distressed Jonathan T., the engineer on whose hands the controversial software has landed. “We’re in too deep with it, it’s everywhere, we just can’t replace it” stated Amos Y., Head of Software. At press time, a meeting was being held to discuss for the hundredth time the possibility of “phasing it out”, although a schedule for that was not discussed. The Inquirer reached out to the creator of the atrocity, who replied it was “a quick experiment I did during a weekend, I’m shocked that thing ever saw the light of the day“.