Food Startups Eye Space As Their Revenue Model Heavily Depends On Sweaty Immigrants Pedaling

SAN FRANCISCO — The COVID19 pandemic gave way to a proliferation of food delivery startups which are currently jointly valued in tens of billions of dollars, with some of them reaching public markets. The revenue models of these innovative companies have shown a critical dependency on hyperventilated, overheated immigrants riding rusty bicycles while risking their physical integrity in city traffic in order to get the food delivered to affluent, ravenous customers. “Our application uses the latest geolocation technology, and cutting-edge optimization algorithms not only to help our customers find the best food options, but also to minimize the pedaling of our delivery partners as they carry those oversized backpacks”, stated Johan Lindstrom, CEO of Horchatafy, a startup based in the nordics. “We are intensively working on alternative delivery methods including drones and hypersonic rockets which will help us get rid of the delivery partners so they can go and find some other way of being exploited” he added.

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