Assistants On Strike Unleashes Chaos Amongst Vulnerable Executives

HELSINKI — Executive Assistants went on strike all across Europe claiming for a reduction of the current 84 hours per week scheme and a pay more connected to the workload, creating a domino effect which unleashed unprecedented confusion among executives who were taken by surprise by the measure and were left confused and incapable of carrying on with their duties. Stock markets were plummeting by more than 18% due to the measure.
“I don’t know what to do with my calendar, I don’t understand it” stated Raymond Orwell, CEO and Chairman of Orwell Space Technologies. “I am starving, I don’t know how to arrange my lunch, my phone has been making strange noises and honestly I don’t exactly know where my car is” expressed a concerned CEO from a space company who spoke under the condition of anonymity. Amsterdam Metropolitan Police reported a case of a Chief Operations Officer (COO) reported missing who was found on top of the roof of his office, naked and unhinged. He recovers at the local hospital.
At press time, feverish negotiations with the unions were still ongoing.