Spritz Space Files For Bankruptcy Amidst Allegations of CEO Buying Exotic True Parrots With Company Funds

TUSCALOOSA — Spritz Space, a Munich-based startup planning to launch a constellation of thousands of nanosatellites to monitor the migration of wild boars has been in the eye of the storm after its CEO Jurgen Klinsmann (according to sources, not related to the ex-footballer who was part of that unforgettable Inter of Milano in the 90s, later a mediocre coach) was accused of using company’s funds to buy colorful, endangered, trucker-mouthed true parrots imported from Central America.
A source related to the matter, who spoke under the condition of strict anonymity, said: “we saw one day a parrot in his office and we didn’t care too much but quickly it became a full gang, they were noisy and they seem to have been trained to roast the employees—one of them called me fat, in Spanish, several times” the source expressed. After an emergency meeting, the board decided unanimously to suspend Mr. Klinsmann from his functions effective immediately without pay and the parrots to be moved to a sanctuary as an investigation takes place. One investigator commented that the feathered creatures are currently the major shareholders in the organization which makes the bankruptcy process cumbersome as they have veto power and “they are more than willing to exercise it”, the investigator expressed.
Mr. Klinsmann did not respond to calls from The Space Inquirer although a person associated with the ousted CEO commented off-the-record that “he’s devastated without his exotic partners”.

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