Oligarch From Amateur Porn Industry Acquires Major Stakes in Tortuga Space Systems

SAN FRANCISCO – TSS (Tortuga Space Systems), a New Mexico-based startup which designs and manufactures artificial intelligence, machine learning, deep learning capable microsatellites, has been acquired by Ukrainian billionaire Dmitri Petrochenko—also known as the ‘tzar’ of amateur porn tubes—and majority owner of YHamster Holdings Inc based in Kiev, Ukraine. This appears to be the first space startup Mr. Petrochenko sets foot into, but apparently not the last one. “Space market is hot at the moment, so I kind of need to be there” said Mr. Petrochenko in a statement. He added: “amateur porn tubes and NewSpace startups have a lot in common: someone else gets fucked while I manage to cash in”.

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