Articles

Worldwide Earth Observation Industry Leaders Gather In Conference, Issue Join Statement: “Let’s face it, images are shit”

TUSCALOOSA — The leaders of the top 10 (in revenue) Earth Observation (EO) companies have gathered…

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Sadistic VC Exclusively Invests On Ill-Fated Startups ‘For The Gigglez’

NEW YORK — In a modern version of blood sports or what Romans called damnatio ad…

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JavaScript Preferred Flagellation Method Among Christian Software Engineers, Report Says

DAMASCUS — Flagellation is the act of inflicting pain in the human body with special implements…

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Europe Announces Funding Program Aimed for Space Startups Which Ensures Long, Excruciating Application Process

BRUSSELS — The European Commission is rolling out a new program to offer investment for European…

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Startup CEO Panics Upon Realization He Needs A Strategy

DUBLIN — Andrew Luczynski, CEO at Bored Ape Space—a space startup planning to launch a constellation…

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Mass Production In Space Industry Pure PR Phantasmagoria, Experts Say

SAN MATEO — Mass production is the manufacturing of large quantities of standardized products, often using…

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Pope Francis Condemns JIRA, Calls It An ‘Abomination In The Eyes Of The Lord’

ROME — Pope Francis has strongly condemned JIRA during his last homily on Saturday in Piazza…

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Manager Addresses Team With Shamelessly Stolen Content From Google’s Project Aristotle

WARSAW — In what some unwary witnesses described as a flawless, highly motivating dissertation, a recently…

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World’s Critical Infrastructure Software Rich In Long-Forgotten Debug Printf Statements, Report Says

GENEVA — A report from the Laboratory of Cybersecurity Assessment of the National Institute of Standards…

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Accidental Cruise Missile Launch Attributed To Malfunctioning Arduino On Board

NEW DELHI — The incident involving the accidental launch of the cruise missile that hit the…

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Space Company Makes Suicide Pact By Neglecting Single Point Of Failure

AMSTERDAM — Suicide pacts are a form of mass suicide that are sometimes planned or carried…

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Startup HR Head Low-Key Googles What DEI Acronym Stands For During Interview With A Candidate

LOS ANGELES — The head of Human Resources (HR) from a series-A stage space startup quietly…

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Perfectly Preserved Requirement Found Puzzles Specialists

ATHENS — A team of anthropologists from the University of North Cyprus have reported a puzzling…

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NewSpace Industry Uplifts Business With Third-World Dictatorships: ‘It’s Fine, They Don’t Have The Bomb’

VENICE — According to several specialized market reports, the first quarter of 2022 has shown a…

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Space Startup CEO Lays Off 80% Of Personnel, Declares: ‘I Wanna Be A Vessel For Love’

OAKLAND — Robert Smith, CEO of Spacetac Systems—a San Francisco-based startup offering orbital transfer as a…

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Reliable, Established Supplier Forsaken For In-House Joyride

ROME — After a quick deliberation by the Engineering department, an unanimous decision has been made…

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Office Drama Vanishes After Custom Inspirational Video From Arnold Schwarzenegger

STOCKHOLM — After months of vicious gossip, fist fights, cliquey attitudes and brutal politics building up…

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NewSpace CEOs: Play This Bingo Game And See How Incompetent Your CEO Might Be

TOKYO — Space Inquirer gathered a group of senior engineers from the space industry and created…

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‘Like Ordering Food’: Near Real-Time Earth Observation Data, Unpacked

MELBOURNE — In order to help customers make more informed decisions, Earth Observation companies producing remote…

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StarFlame Space Raises 20 Million In Series A Funding For Its LEO Crematorium

OSAKA — StarFlame, a Wales-based startup working on a space-based crematorium, has raised 20 million in…

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Bad Decisions Made To Please Investor Hit All-Time High

SAN DIEGO — Startup industry has been showing an increasing trend of appalling decisions sponsored by…

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4 NewSpace CEOs Form Jazz Supergroup

BERLIN — In an attempt to boost visibility and improve SEO, the marketing departments of 4…

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Research: Crypto Most Efficient Flimflam Invented Up To Date For Coupling Swindlers, Idiots And Money Together

LEIDEN — For centuries, humans have been struggling to find the most optimal way of cashing…

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One More Useless Meeting Relentlessly Approaching

STUTTGART — A meeting which adds no value to the overall state of things and could…

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Another Prototype Prematurely Turned Into A Product

LONDON — A prototype which intermittently functioned on top of the bench in the engineering department…

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Software Engineer Reported Missing After Proceeding To Edit Kernel Header Files

PRETORIA — Timothy Lancaster, a 33 years old software engineer from Liverpool (UK), has been reported…

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Vagina-Shaped Rockets Not Aerodynamically Efficient, Study Says

FLORIDA – As per a recent law passed by the Congress to increase equality in the…

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Artificial Intelligence Algorithm Computing Space Billionaires’ Ugliness Leads To Discovery of New Universal Law

ISTANBUL — Worth hundred billions of dollars altogether, the leaders of Blue Origin, SpaceX and Virgin…

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New Space Company Name Sends Strong ‘Napoleon Complex’ Signals Across Industry

TOULOUSE — Industry actors have expressed perplexedness at the misleading, aggrandizing naming given by ex-Lockheed Martin…

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‘Oasis Effect’ In Software Design: Where Sleek Front Ends Masquerade Hideous Backends

FLORENCE — Researchers from the Institute of Software Design Theory of the University of Vienna have…

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Conference Organized By Space Company Overcomplicated Advertisement, Experts Say

LAUSANNE — “It would have been easier to just pay for a good ad instead of…

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Space Inquirer Celebrates One Hundred Articles With A Limited-Edition, NFT Collectible Article

MANCHESTER — The Space Inquirer—your newspaper of choice to stay informed about what is happening in…

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Space Startup Reaches Full Sustainability Milestone, Except For Revenues

CONNECTICUT — Lime Space Solutions—a Toronto-based company working on propulsion systems based in a new type…

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Mark Zuckerberg Dodges Responsibility About Disinformation Campaigns: ‘Blame PHP’

SAN FRANCISCO — During an online hearing with members of the bipartisan Digital Policy Making Committee…

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Congress To Pass Law to Prohibit Software Engineers to be Called Engineers

WASHINGTON DC — The US Congress is reportedly working on a law to prohibit software engineers…

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Orthodox Church Patriarch Says JavaScript In Embedded Systems ‘Sign Of Apocalypse’

MOSCOW — The head of the Orthodox Church has said that the use of JavaScript in…

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Startup Marketing Team Celebrates New All-Time High In Newsletter Subscribers

TARTU — The marketing team at Clementine Space Firewatchers, a nordic startup planning to launch a…

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REST APIs Glorified HTTP Requests, Experts Say

SAN LUIS OBISPO — A team of experts from NASA’s Jet Propulsion Laboratory (JPL) in Pasadena…

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New Study Reveals VCs Find Sexual Pleasure In Practicing Discursive Ambiguity

TORONTO — A new study titled “Arousal causes within the venture capital industry” by the Institute…

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The ‘The Who’ Effect Widespread Across Tech Industry, Study Finds

STOCKHOLM — A team of researchers from the University of Gotebörg have found that what specialized…

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‘Just Disappeared’: Veteran Founder Describes VC Term Sheet Sighting

LONDON — On February 22, 2022 local entrepreneurs reportedly received a strange visit in their 15…

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Innovative Project Management Methodology Uses Sock Puppets For Giving Bad News To Customers

COPENHAGEN — Stardust Management Consulting (NASDAQ: SMC) has unveiled a new patent-pending methodology that showcases the…

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See The Winner Of The 2021 ‘Most Boring Term Said In The Workplace’ Award

HAMBURG — Every year, the International Council of Business Terminology (ICBT) gathers to select different terms…

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10 Uncomfortable Truths Startup Managers Refuse To Accept

ATHENS — Here are ten ugly truths managers should stick on the walls of their comfy…

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10 Inspirational Quotes For Space Startups

Here are 10 inspirational quotes full of wisdom and mindfulness to feel inspired while you shoot…

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SPAC’d Space Startup Pivots To Boost Stock Value, Buys Defibrillator

OSLO — A recently SPAC’d space startup who has been witnessing its stock value being shredded…

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The CIA Replaces Waterboarding With Javascript Coding During Interrogations, Causing Backlash From Human-Rights Organizations

GUANTANAMO — After the use of waterboarding became a matter of public controversy in the United…

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CEO Ousted For Touring Office In BDSM Outfit After Taking Three-Day Course Of Servant Leadership

BERLIN — Hermann Klapp, Chief Executive Officer at Halcon Space Heavy Industries has been fired by…

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Verification and Validation Same Thing At Gunpoint, Report Says

TOKYO — Literature states that verification is about “making the system right”, whereas validation is meant…

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Space CEO Lands Another Pointless Article In Newspaper Posing With Satellite Like He Knows How They Work

MONTEVIDEO — A Chief Executive Officer from an Earth Observation space scale-up has been reportedly cashing…

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Free Tutorial: The Definitive Guide For Creating World-Class Technical Content

MANCHESTER — The Space Inquirer has launched an exclusive, free-of-charge tutorial for our readers to produce…

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Management Consulting Industry Celebrates 60 Years Ripping Companies Off

BOSTON — A select group of CEOs from top-notch strategic management consulting firms such as McKinsey,…

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67% Of New Space Products Do Not Actually Exist, Report Says

PASADENA — A new study titled “Vaporware and the eternal promises of products which will never…

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Executive Education Attractively-Branded, Perpetual Ponzi Schemes

BOSTON — In a pyramid scheme, an organization compels individuals who wish to join to make…

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DoD’s 800-Billion Dollars Budget For 2022 Already Spent In Powerpoint Slides And Frameworks, Audit Says

WASHINGTON DC — An audit from the US Government Accountability Office (GAO) found that only two…

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Suspected First Photo of Bigfoot in Decades Reportedly Synthetic Aperture Radar Image of Egyptian Pyramids

TAMPA — An amorphous, grayscale depiction of what some initially thought could have been the first…

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CEO Stuck With Useless, Overpaid Management

RIGA — “I know they are a bunch of insecure, underperforming, overpaid, privileged morons, but what…

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Scientists Discover Novel Mathematical Formula To Gauge VCs’ Mediocrity

BARCELONA — A team of scientists from the Politecnico Di Milano found a simple mathematical formula…

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Toxic Salesperson Pushes To Follow Up Too Shortly After First, Exploratory Call

TEGUCIGALPA — In a move which many consider a clear red flag, a salesperson from an…

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World Leaders Carelessly Agitating System They Have No Clue How It Works, Experts Warn

BERLIN — “Whoa” is the general feeling around a team of senior experts from the Center…

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Research Finds Dread Experienced Before Video Call With Boss Modern Equivalent Of Cringe Felt During The 90s Before Calling Friend On A Landline And Having To Make Small Talk With His Grandma

VERSAILLES — A recent study performed by the Marie Curie Center of High Energy Neutrons and…

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10 Things Space Engineers Google In Incognito Mode

ARIZONA — Contrary to common belief that incognito mode in web browsers is exclusively used for…

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Steve Jobs Loses Number 1 Ranking To Elon Musk As Protagonist In Every Space VC Wet Dreams

DARMSTADT — In what has been considered a very tight race in the worldwide, collective capitalist…

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Software Engineer Sentenced To Prison For Instigating Suicide Of Coworkers Due To Disturbing Use of ‘If’ Statements

RIO DE JANEIRO — In a high-profile case which has created controversy across the tech industry,…

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